I have a Merlin fic in need of beta. It's M/A, modern AU, PG13 (though a few bad words might have slipped in there, IDEK), entirely without plot, kind of schmoopy and not at all what I originally intended, but yeah. It clocks in at 4049 words and I am gonna need it back by... next week Friday (27 Nov).

As comprehensive or quick and dirty as you want. I am that easy.

Pretty please?

Edit: help found, because you guys are awesome like that.

So right, Xmas cards and stuff. Everyone else is doing it so I guess I will as well.

If you want one, leave me a comment with your name and address and... I don't know. Whatever you think will be amusing. If you leave a favourite fandom/pairing you might get a REALLY bad stick figure drawing or like 100 words of handwritten porn or something. A declaration of my undying love? You know, whatever. I'll figure something out and it will no doubt be ridiculous. And inside an envelope so as not to embarass you.

As bucks mature and go into rut, the male equivalent of heat (in the Fall), they will start peeing on their front legs and faces. They have a kind of "spray attachment" on the penis and can really spray. He will spray his urine into his mouth and then curl up his lip to get a good whiff. His legs, face and beard will eventually be coated with a sticky layer of urine (irresistible to a doe). Once rut is over (in the Winter) he may, or may not, stop peeing on himself.

Oh Merlin.

Note to self: Self, this is why we make shit up instead of doing our research proper-like. You don't want to write this. No one wants to read this. Please stop trying to find a way to incorporate. Self? SELF!

( It gets even better! Or worse, depending on how you look at it )

So still behind, but not defeated yet. The writing went fairly well today, my story has become fun. We narrowly escaped epic goat raeps!

Of course, I have no clue what we will write tomorrow. Half the fun, right?

I need like, a porn challenge for Nano. Because I need to write something smutty that I haven't tried before and I can't think of anything on my own. Also because I need to be distracted from the thought that no one I asked thinks they brushed their teeth in medieval England and I am now a little bit grossed out by the fact that I am pairing up people whose breath potentially smells like baby diapers.

Please, either convince me everyone is wrong or gimme something naughty to write when I get desperate for words.

How much pornage is needed for 50k words anyway? Two scenes? Four? One for every 7k words?

In other news: Still behind word count, but slowly closing the gap. Very slowly.

Oh yes, it's going well! This was an awesome idea!

I got moved at work today. I now sit with the douchenozzles, with my back to a passage where there is constant movement so I can't bloody do anything anymore. No window, no maritzamcnay, loud bastards right in my face. I am going to have to switch my LJ scheme to pure white and turn off all pictures. And then my boss asks me if I feel like I've been promoted, because I have a bigger desk. I feel like ripping open your scull and crapping on your brain!

Up side, my fic intake and nano word count is going to skyrocket now because there is absolutely no way I am concentrating for 8 hours straight. You can take me out of my comfortzone, but you cannot turn me into a productive worker. I refuse. Also, I might be spamming like crazy now. Apologies in advance.

And now I am going to sit here and feel sorry for myself for the rest of the day. Fucking promotion, yeah right.

I was plodding along with my camelotsolstice fic and griping over my inability to get from where I am not to the ending I somehow always end up (lol) writing first when I had the following thought: "this part will be fun to write in the second draft"

WTF self? Since when do you look forwarding to rewriting/editing a story?

EDITOS: Completely unrelated, my aunt assisted in writing rugby slash this weekend! Well, not write, we were mostly just brainstorming and freaking my mother (who is very closed-minded) out. It was awesome!

The presenter of a writing workshop on suspense crits your submission and says: that's a good example, we are left wondering where she is why she's nervous, suspense is definitely present.

And your first thought is: Goddamnit, I suck.


This is a normal reaction, right?

If I have any hope to get through Nano, I need a soundtrack for my story. I am absolutely pants at picking music so I am very, very open to suggestions. I also posted a plea on the nano forums, but there can never be too much help when you are clueless.

What I know about the story so far:
- It will be set in canon time (medieval England)
- It will have a weregoat (Merlin, obvsly, everyone knows Hunith fornicated with a cloven hoofed demon)
- It will be cracky beyond belief
- There will be questionable jokes about horny men
- There will be romance
- There will be porn? (I sure bloody hope so, its been too long since I wrote any and it's a fantastic way to pad wordcount)
- It will not be historically accurate
- Did I mention cracky?
- It will make everyone who encouraged this idea very, very sorry

Yeah, I have no idea what to do here. Aside from not wanting to listen to the Merlin score, I had enough of that during Big Bang.

Someone is brilliant and can help me out? Please?

maritzamcnay has started reading slash. Not only reading it, but actively searching it out. And she has nigglings, not long now until she writes it herself.

I am so proud, another success story of the Internet eventually corrupting all. *sniffs* They grow up so fast.

Edit: Now if only I can wean her off Twilight!

Nanowrimo 2009

Would someone like to talk me out of doing it? Would you like to talk me into doing it? *is still in the fence* Would you like to join me doing it? (which, haha, dirty much?) Would you like to donate any brilliant story ideas that I can steal draw inspiration from? No really, do you? Cause if you don't and I can't come up with a not-completely suck idea before 1 November, I will be forced to write 50k of weregoat fanfic. And I will fail miserably, I don't think I have that much weregoat in me.

Halp. :(

So far this year I have managed to break:
- A mirror
- A shelf made out of safety glass
- A vase
- The shower door
- MS Word
- A flashdrive

and now, finally: the goddamn fridge.

Clearly I am in the running for the Sucky Loser of the Year award.

Title: Pratface and the Princess
Movie Prompt: Drop Dead Fred written for reel_merlin Round 2
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin, past Merlin/Will, mentions of Will/Nimeuh and possibly Uther/Gaius if you squint really hard
Rating: R?
Word Count: 11 373
Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to Shine and the BBC and Drop Dead Fred belongs to... IDEK, someone other than me
Summary: After a recent breakup, Merlin reluctantly moves back into his childhood home where he is besieged by someone he thought he had left behind a long time ago: an annoying and destructive imaginary friend.
Author's Notes: A huge thank you to kelene who not picked through this, fixed my mistakes and pointed out the non-sense making bits. Even so, this story is not 100% legally accurate, or even realistically accurate for that matter, but it was fun to do. It steals some scenes from the movie, but not the ending as the original always makes me cry and being a big fluffy bunny I was compelled to rewrite it. Sillyness ensued. I would also like to thank maritzamcnay for listening to me rant, and biancathecookie who distracted me with porn.

( Part 1 )

Title: Silence Will Hide
Author: morcalivan
Movie Prompt: The Covenant written for reel_merlin Round 2
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin, with other past/side pairings
Rating: R for language and violence?
Word Count: 17 145
Author's Notes: Thanks to congest for the speedy beta. All remaining eye sores are my own. Also a great big thanks to maritzamcnay who upon hearing I was considering doing this movie went "I have the DVD, wanna borrow it?"
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Not even the plot. HAHA
Summary: It’s not about what they want, it’s about what they need.

( Part 1 )

Toilet spray / airfreshner / whateverthefuckitscalled

Whomever is responsible for buying our spray cans bought one called "falling in love". It smells like berries. So I am sitting on the loo reading the can and its apparently perfect for setting a romantic, sensual mood. Which had me wondering if I have ever had romantic thoughts while sitting on the porcelain throne. Mostly I just think of silly crap to tell maritzamcnay when I get back in the office. But there was this one time.

The time my zipper got stuck and I was all wriggling about and grunting while trying to get the damn thing unstripped and when I did finally get back maritzamcnay was all "wtf were you doing in there for so long?" which made me wonder what the person in the next stall (and yes, there was one, isn't there always for the embarassing moments) thought I was doing.

I swear, person whom I didn't see but know pees really loudly, I was not having "romantic thoughts" on the pot.

Go away kink_bigbang! I don't want to play.

Someone wake me when it's the 16th and sign ups are over.